Friday, April 13, 2012

Birth affirmation

Birth Junkie


Hi sisters! How are you guys doing? Alhamdulillah, i'm doing very well. So is little feet 2, insyaAllah. Auji had just started his first step just a couple of days ago, it's ssoooooo fast! Time just flies doesnt it?

Since i gave birth, i learn about how the medical world had somehow 'betray' our women's right(no feminist here, mind you). The first time i found out that i was pregnant, i was instinctly sure that home is where the birth would take place. I somehow had faith that God had made women child bearing, and He had made women to give birth. No alteration, or modification needed. And to find like minded people out there, is just liberating. Although i didn't get to have my first birth at home, having little feet in the hospital thought me first hand how a women's strength could just be wiped away with doubt. How many of us, would have just surrender ourselves on the 'chopping block' just because we're no doctors..when we think of birth. I don't blame you. By society, i did the media, i did too... I remembered visualizing my birth, cringing and barely able to picture me strapped, yelling and screaming my neck out. Untill i give myself some sense.

I bought myself books.

After reading, i find myself getting to know more about gentle birth and hypnobirthing.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Guess what?


Yes, your screen are not fooling you, i truly am pregnant. Again. Alhamdulillah...hehehhe
Nope, this is not accidental. After my scare of being...child-less, and seeing the blessing of having a kid on our own, i just cant wait to have more. My sister warned me, it's going to be tough, but hey...everything else are not really a piece of cake..(hmmm...cake) my husband got a point when he said that we can just get all worned down, and beat up now...but just imagine the fun we'll have once they are all grown up...yup, it's going to be a tiring, but the smile on their is such a surge of energy. InsyaAllah...may Allah give me strength...

Auji? Oh he's such a big boy now..he is 7 months now, starting to stand and balancing on his own. No teeth yet, and he's hillariousss!!! He is such a bundle of joy, and i cant be more thankful, subhanAllah...

Aidil is seating for exam soon, so he seems to be working hard, although he's grounded too...right after his birthday, afterr we gave him his present (a week camping trip with his dad) , we caught him lying...when he really didnt have to. This time, his dad reminded him, that it's action like this that make people loose their trust in you, so as to remind him...he'll be at home, thinking about it...he's not allowed to get involve with extra school activity. He should be heading home after school, finish his homework, and think why isn't he in the school football team...he is still allowed to go out and play, but we know he wants to be in the football team, so i guess this is where he learns action...and consequences...i hope we're doing the right thing

Ahhhh, blogging feels good to just let this words flow out my chest. It's been awhile. I might start a new mandala for this pregnancy, so stay tune...whoever is still reading...hehehhe...hugs n kisses


Friday, December 30, 2011

Grateful year


It's almost here, the coming of another year...
I don't have any new year resolution, i have nothing against it really...really. I don't. I guess some of u might alreasy guessed that i sucked in sticking to my resolution. Ha ha...i tried quitting on sarcasm in 1998...that didn't happen...bah!

Anyway, instead of focusing on what i want to do, i think it might be the right time for me to have my gratitude list for this year. What have been done, throughout this year...*clear throat*eehheem...I'm thankful, God...

1. for being alive, and well, with much blessings on all senses
2. for my family...the whole deal, the fun, the quirks, the drama, the weird, the works..
3. for my own growing loving husband, my playful stepson, heartbreaker them to bits...
4. for my cozy little house in a little village in between little valley, off from the map, in the middle of nowhere...
5. for my job which allows me to be at home on any other day but on 1 and a half day from the whole week. Thank you for letting me raise my own children...insyaAllah
6. for allowing me to have awareness, and allow my heart to forgive.
7. for the most beautiful experience of being pregnant, in labour and being a mother...oprah is missing a wholllleeeelottaaa ..but yeah, to each their own. She have billions..
8. for oprah...hhehehheheh....
9. for garden girl which open a floodgate of sustainable living. An inspiration.
10. for friends who listens....sincerely and being there on needed times...
11. My trusty full paid car....finally!
And finally....12. For the peace of mind, and bits of heaven on this earth.


Love + peace,

Saturday, December 17, 2011

The news hit home, hit my hit hard!


This morning, at my mum...going through my facebook..checking updates, shared links n pictures of friends and families, i came acrosss link that was shared by my student. About the famous missing malaysian boy who studies in ireland. Turns out, days after the news, pictures of him married had circulated on the net. What made it jaw dropping, he married another man. What effected me was, i know him. He is my best friend in high school.

I still remember when he announced to me that he's not straight,i was driving and i jammed the break so hard. I was speechless...but i love him dearly. He is one of my best friend.

He called and say he's back from ireland, years after he announced his sexuality to me, we decided to meet up. We both had new things to introduced, i already have my hijab on...he have jonathan. He look happy, but i couldnt look. I couldnt judge...deep inside i was just praying.

Once in a while, i think about him and wonder how is he doing, we were friends since we're 13. we fight, we laugh, we tease and we hear each other out. We'll talk for hours about life, about everything and nothing. When i saw the pictures, i saw the same school boy i knew. His grin. Should i condemn him? Like certain people who barely knew him, throwing words so easy, blaming everything that they knew so little about...i wanted to say, u don't even know him...what makes u have the right for your assumption?

He is my best friend, i have at least the right to say, may God protect u my friend. Love u always!


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Girls you should date (marry)

“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
― Rosemarie Urquico